its exactly 4 days till my surgery, shit shit shit and i'm petrified i am having a terrible time sleeping the nightmares are too frequent, horrible dreams about waking up on the table, horrible disfigurement and many other equally terrifying images, i just wish it was over, i think the anticipation and the thoughts and dreams that are going through my head are going to be much worse than the surgery itself, god i hope so, i really hope so.... one thing keeeping me going is that all the painfull operations will be over, this is officially the last one an finally i will look normal, like everybody else,pretty even? could i hope for something like that? maybe people will stop staring at me now. the jokes will stop and i will go unnoticed into the world?